Chronicle of a long-awaited Closing Ceremony
Such a distinguished closing ceremony took place at the renowned “El Chozo” of the R.C. de Pineda, which, duly prepared for such a grand occasion, once again hosted a new edition of the illustrious, long-standing and, at the same time, prestigious La Máquina Golf Tournament, in its 20th edition.
The event was presided over by Mr Pedro García de Pesquera and Bejumea, who, together with Mr Andrés Olmedo and Fernández, acted as hosts to the most steadfast and accomplished participants, as well as to the other guests in attendance. All were able to enjoy an exquisite reception in pleasant company, exchanging opinions and solemn assertions on the excellence of the game displayed by those present, who spared no praise for their opponents while fondly recalling bygone times when, clad in plus fours, they already enjoyed such agreeable companionship.
After the exquisite starters, among which particular mention must be made of a most delicious Manchego cheese, not forgetting the famous “crokettes”, with their perfect hint of nutmeg and creamy texture, the ever-present fritters, and so forth, all accompanied by assorted fluids such as a cool and excellent Tío Pepe, an exquisite 2019 Beronia Crianza served at its perfect temperature, “thusly” as the no less longed-for ice-cold Cruzcampo, together with other liquid elements of note, the diners proceeded, after five hours, to rest their weary posteriors upon the chairs arranged for so eagerly awaited a moment.
Once the seats had been occupied by such distinguished attendees, the club staff proceeded to regale the illustrious diners with chickpeas with Penaeus kerathurus; which are, in plain terms, nothing other than prawns. That is to say, a decapod crustacean with an elongated, compressed body, a smooth and rather delicate shell, intended for the delight of the most demanding palates.
However, the pulses typical of La Bañeza, in terms of texture, rather brought to mind the pellets that the forebears of those present once used to dispatch creatures of fur or feather; a mournful practice which, nowadays, would no doubt be frowned upon by the learned urbanite/Podemite society.
That said, once duly masticated, they left upon the palates of such exquisite participants a pleasant aftertaste of Sanlúcar seafood.
After such delicacies, the proceedings continued with one of the most emblematic desserts in Spanish patisserie: a sweet made from caramelised egg yolk and syrup, firm to just the right degree and of an intense yellow hue, said to have its origins in Jerez de la Frontera, Cádiz. In other words, a tocino de cielo.
Some of those present, their sugar levels permitting, chose to indulge in a second helping until fully sated, while others opted for a refreshing and hydrating nougat ice cream.
Then came the various and varied “coffeeses”: black, with a dash of milk, decaffeinated, lactose-free; “actually, better make mine a pennyroyal mint infusion,” and so forth, accompanied by some exquisite tortas de Alcalá, which, as is customary, were kindly provided by Mr José Luis Márquez Arroyo.
At long last came the eagerly awaited stiff drink, where the diners, mustering all their powers of imagination, offered a fine display of originality: gin and tonic or whisky. Why complicate one’s existence with an endless list of cocktails and assorted concoctions? Pure imagination.
Glass in hand, with the tinkling of ice against crystal providing the musical accompaniment, the long-awaited presentation of the trophies duly commenced.
For so touching a moment, Mr Pedro Gª de Pesquera took the floor, thanking the participants for their attendance, reminding the debtors of the telephone number for Bizum, and then handing over to Mr Andrés Olmedo, who reiterated his thanks and rejoiced, as could only be expected, at seeing us all looking younger once again this year.
Thereupon, the presentation of such prestigious and costly prizes duly commenced.
This year, whether out of proper and respectful conduct befitting each category and circumstance — that is to say, out of decorum — the organisers saw fit not to present the “forrabolas” award, which would otherwise have gone to the pair bringing up the rear of the ranking: Mr José Mº Lanzas y Murillo and his partner, Mr Carlos González y Laguillo.
Truth be told, the organisers were met with the unexpected and most unpleasant surprise of not having said prize available, thereby depriving us all of what would surely have been a most moving ceremony.
Thus, the presentation began with the individual prizes, starting with the longest drive, awarded for the mighty wallop delivered by Mr Carlos Valenzuela Otayo on the 18th hole.
Following such a prestigious trophy, proceedings moved on to the prize for nearest the pin, which, much to the displeasure of Mr José Mª Lanzas, who already pictured it proudly displayed in his trophy cabinet, went instead to the prize-hoarder Mr Gerardo Narvona Niza. On the 5th hole, he had the good fortune — and, it must be said, the accuracy — to leave the ball a mere 150 cm from the hole, to the consequent dismay of certain individuals present.
The hour had come for the pairs who, by means of a draw conducted before a notary and entirely free from any influence or interference whatsoever, had been duly selected.
In reverse order of the results, and in order to heighten the tension among the participants, the presentation began with the third-placed pair: Mr Antonio Alvear Dávila and Mr Rodrigo Medina de la Paz, who kindly posed before the accredited media present and expressed their satisfaction at such a meritorious position, before leaving the stage amid the cheers and applause of the assembled parishioners.
It was then the turn of the pair classified in second place: Mr Andrés Olmedo and Mr Andrés Olmedo Jr.
A touching scene if ever there was one: two members of the same family collecting a well-deserved trophy together. Although, intermingled with the applause, voices could be heard crying out: “Fix, fix!”
Pure, unadulterated envy on the part of certain members of the audience.
And finally, the most eagerly awaited moment arrived. Uncertainty filled the room; the tense wait merely caused a river of rumours about the hypothetical winners to flood the premises. And after a few minutes that seemed eternal, the winning pair was announced:
Mr Fernando Parra Martín, “The Prize-Hoarder”, and
Mr Gerardo Narvona Niza
They were unable to hold back their emotions in the face of such a grand and well-deserved award. Yet, just as had happened with the previous pairs, dissenting voices made their presence felt with cries of “Fix!”
As the chronicler had already stated: pure, unadulterated envy.
Once the attendees had regained their composure, proceedings continued with the presentation of the gift that Federópticos had so kindly seen fit to offer: a pair of sunglasses, ideal for playing golf and seeing where on earth the ball has been sent.
A gift with considerable foresight.
An innocent hand — fortunately not that of Mr Vicente Canuto — selected the winning ticket. The lucky winners were Mr José Ángel Arriaga Carretero and Mr Javier Pommarez.
Once again, the cries of “Fix!” were not long in coming. Fortunately, we are decent folk, and the matter gradually subsided.
Immediately thereafter, proceedings moved on to the presentation of the lavishly funded and costly garments: a light grey polo shirt and a burgundy “fachaleco”, both bearing the La Máquina crest embroidered upon the chest.
Very pretty indeed, it must be said.
But the best was yet to come.
Mr Pedro García de Pesquera y Benjumea then took the floor to introduce Mr Fernando Garrachón Vallo, who proceeded to tell a brief and rather dull joke which bored those present quite spectacularly.
Something about a “mariquita”, whose mother passes away. Then they dress her, undress her, and put soldier’s boots on her. Then the lights go out. Then “forwards we go”; “all the same, every last one”. Then something about Federico. And all that merely to leave the deceased lady on the 11th floor.
In short, a disaster. What an extraordinarily dull fellow.
I truly fail to understand why everyone’s jaws were practically on the floor.
In an attempt to lift the spirits of those present after such overwhelming tedium, Mr Pedro, in desperation, called upon Mr Vicente Canuto. Yet, just as had happened before, the whole affair once again proved to be a disaster.
Something about someone losing a deck of cards, then Mr Ignacio Alba imagining one of the numbers from it. And then, as it turned out, he had the thing upside down. As already stated, there was simply no way of making head or tail of it.
He then proceeded to busy himself with some coins, which he claimed were made of silver, and called upon Mr José Mª Lanzas to verify them. And then he went and lost them.
Good heavens.
Fortunately, the guest proved to be an honourable man and returned them to him. Though, it must be said, he had them hidden in his hand all along.
But to crown the whole performance, he seized upon an innocent Mr José María Portillo and asked him for his wedding ring; and, as witnesses to the misdeed he was about to commit, he chose Mr Ángel Concejo and Mr Javier Pommarez, who, to add insult to injury, willingly lent themselves to the affair.
Something about the ring here, then now it was on the ribbon, then on the little stick… in short, a first-rate trickster of the most troublesome kind. What he really wanted was to make off with the ring.
And, to round off the act, he could think of nothing better than to place the ring inside a rattle-like contraption in order to smash it to pieces. The look of concern on the owner’s face, as he wondered how on earth he was going to explain the matter to his good lady wife, was well worth the spectacle.
Fortunately, Mr Vicente Canuto had previously had the good sense to stop at a jumble sale and purchase a rather gaudy little chest by way of compensation. As luck would have it, there was a ring inside.
Had there not been, he might not have lived to tell the tale.
As already stated: a trickster, charming enough, but a trickster nonetheless.
And after the kisses and embraces, as befits such moments of exalted friendship, the illustrious participants proceeded to withdraw to their chambers.
The fact is that, as they were making their departure, a voice could be heard in the distance:
“WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME WE HAVE HAD.”
Thank you, Pedro and Andrés.
Next year, God willing, MORE.